This one’s for the lovers out there.
You CAN have beautiful, flourishing, romantic relationships… if you do the work.
But what do you do when you’ve been working on yourself and your partner’s journey is only just beginning?
It can be really frustrating when you’ve unravelled your stories, healed your trauma and experienced real growth and expansion in your life and your partner isn’t quite there yet.
We get impatient.
“Why aren’t they making progress?”
“Why are they STILL struggling with the same issue?”
“They should read the book I read and get a life coach like I did”.
If that’s you, this episode is going to help you take the pressure down.
My husband, Hamish, and I talk about being Gandhi, living out of compassion and patience as your partner goes on their own journey.
Because it is THEIR journey. It won’t look like yours.
Your job is to be who YOU have become.. The expanded, healed, kind, patient version that you have discovered as you’ve been doing the work.
Hamish and I talk about the importance of being patient, communicating about the deep things and living out of compassion for yourself and the people around you.
When you are doing the work in your own life, you don’t NEED your partner to do the work in order to be okay with YOU.
Topics discussed and where to find them:[2:00]: “Be Gandhi” is a term we use to describe the person doing the work in a relationship. Hamish was Gandhi and was so patient with my while I was going through my stuff. [4:15]: Being in a relationship with someone who is brand new to doing the work is like taking on a new born baby. Hamish was patient, kind and loving while I was having tantrums. [6:50]: Don’t wait for the people who aren’t trying and just look at their potential. [8:00]: It’s not your responsibility but don’t get upset when your partner falls down. Be patient. [9:45]: If you’re doing the work, you don’t have to say anything to your partner because they’re on their journey. Just be Gandhi. It’s not easy [11:30]: You don’t get to be upset when they’ve shown you who they are and you decided to stay. [13:00]: Pretty please review my podcast! [14:00]: Hamish shares from his perspective and how it’s important to not have an ego about the work you’ve done and judge your partner’s journey. Be Gandhi because it’s who you are, not because you expect a certain result from your partner. [16:30]: We didn’t see eye to eye on spirituality and we really had to communicate about that. Hamish had become clear about who he was and what he stood for [18:00]: When you do the work, you become compassionate toward others and colour your world through the lens of who you are and who you want to be. [19:00]: Not needing your partner to do the work in order to be okay with you. Their journey will look different to yours so respect them to find their own way for what they need. [21:30]: Men’s brains work differently. Breaking down the stigmas of masculinity are also part of the journey. [24:00]: Wanting someone to reach their potential is pushing them uphill. One of the major reasons for divorce is a change of values.
[25:10]: We’re really bad at communication. A lot of couples don’t talk about the deep things of values and opinions. We evolve and our relationships need to evolve along with that. [27:00]: Tools around communication. Understand love languages, communication is the key and be patient with yourself and each other. [28:40]: Hamish recommends the book “Power vs Force” for people who are struggling with the Gandhi concept. It’s a very deep and powerful book and one that [31:15]: Have compassion for yourself and those around you. We’re all walking through the human experience together. [32:10]: My audiobook is out!! [33:00]: Join the Sistahood!
Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins
Men, Women & Worthiness by Brene Brown
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Listen to “My journey with spirituality”
Where to find Hamish:
Instagram: @manfulnessmenPodcast: Manfulness on Apple Podcasts
Where To Find Erika:
- Watch my FREE Masterclass What it Really Takes to Change Your Life
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- Website: www.thequeenofconfidence.com